official post #3 : Application letter critique

*Just a note. The formatting which I did from Microsoft Word could not be properly shown here. 😦  The spacing , eg. the address, does not come out right even after I have edited it on WordPress. So I have decided to upload the picture of it instead, for more accurate visualization! To enlarge the picture for better viewing , just press on it! 🙂 *

Context: I am applying to National University of Singapore for admission into a graduate programme hosted by School of Design and Environment. The graduate programme I am applying for is the Master Degree Programme in Environmental Management.

Do feel free to leave comments as to how I can further improve on it! Thank you in advance 🙂

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Zoey Zhou
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 00:19:44

    Hi Hui Xin,

    Good job! I think after the amendment you made, your application letter will surely help you to apply for the Master Degree.

    There is still one thing I want to remind you of: you should bold the subject 🙂

    Reply

  2. Noelle
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 20:34:50

    Hey Huixin,

    Generally I think your letter is better than your first! Here are my thoughts:

    Reasons for your application are clearly addressed. The introduction explicitly contains details on the ‘who’, ‘what’, and ‘why’. I like how your goal is related to the Masters programme.

    Maybe you can further elaborate and explain with one or two examples about your current degree (given that you mentioned it has provided you groundwork and knowledge).

    The part about being student councilor can then be put as a separate paragraph with a short description of what your ‘job scope’ as one entailed.

    Lastly, maybe you could leave out ‘negative’ information in your conclusion – just focus on reinstating your positives instead of your inexperience.

    I am not sure if I am giving the right comments, please correct me if I am wrong! Cheers.

    Reply

  3. Christopher Tiong
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 21:41:50

    Hi Hui Xin,

    You might want to add salutation at your name. And is your name Tang HuiXin or Tang Hui Xin, without the space in between? I think it is better to follow the IC name.

    For the capitalization of certain words, like Faculty of Science, I personally think should be faculty of science since it is not a proper noun. Hope I am not wrong.

    For the second last paragraph, you might want to delete the part on “despite my inexperience in the field of Environment Management” and start straight with I hope… because you already mentioned the lack in experience earlier on. I personally feel it is sufficient to just mention your inexperience once.

    All in all, it is a sincere and well written application letter 🙂

    Chris

    Reply

  4. ohmyhx
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 22:09:25

    Thank you everyone for your valuable comments! Seems that I should be less ‘negative’ then 🙂

    I’ll do the appropriate changes to it. Thank you for the feedback!

    Reply

  5. Oussama
    Sep 20, 2014 @ 18:40:48

    Hello Hui Xin,
    After reading your application and all the comments and recommendations .. I am curious to know if you were accepted in for this program.
    Cheers

    Reply

    • ohmyhx
      Sep 21, 2014 @ 00:24:58

      Hello,

      this was actually only a mock letter which was prepared for a module 3 years back. In fact, I did not apply for this program in real life.

      Thank you and have a good day.

      Reply

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